Prelim Madness

A PhD is a long road. how do you describe it to someone who's not pursuing the same degree in a similar field?

My friend has a great analogy for what med school is like: imagine you are a sponge. you are an eager and dry sponge waiting to learn and absorb everything that is taught to you. but you're standing in front of a fire hose and when classes start, that fire hose is turned on to full blast and there you are, a helpless sponge trying to absorb all you can... and when the spray is finished, you're clinging on to every drop you can.... so you can pass (pass mind you.... not pass with flying colors....) your exams, wring yourself out and stand in front of that fire hose again.

postgraduate education is a test of endurance, you're thrown into a pool and told to swim a million laps and when you're done, you exit the pool with an md, a jd, an mba... whatever. as an academic research graduate student, you're thrown into an ocean with maybe a small small flotation device that can barely keep you above water and you are told by whoever dropped you off in the middle of the ocean, "find your way to land" and they leave you. floundering, cold, alone, and very very hungry and sad...

yet we still... keep going... and we hit our milestones. and every milestone you hit is inspiration for everyone around you... except yourself... because you just spent the past month preparing and are too tired to really appreciate the joys of taking that next step.

(thank you PhD comics for figures!)

figure 1. styleized timeline of graduate progress

Figure 2. salaries :-(

in our department, the preliminary exam is where you present your proposed thesis work... for me, it was right around "friend from undergrad who didn't go to grad school shows of his/her new BMW" (fig 1). that's already happened to me but insert prelim exam there. we write and propose the work that we will be doing for our thesis research and present it to a committee of faculty who are there to judge you and your advisor and the project you are saying that you will do. mindyou, it's already been three years and you wonder... what the hell have i been doing this whole time... if i'm JUST getting around to putting my thesis project together.....???? and then you realize... it just took THAT long to even assemble a project that was worth pursuing. the previous years were spent adjusting to the lab, figuring out how to do things, figuring out what you're doing with yourself, doubting the fact that you belong in academia, questioning your career path, and being lost in the endless dark tunnel called "grad school."

it is a truly lonely and solitary endeavor... it's hard to tear people away from their research.. your future colleagues and friends... it's hard to network when people are ball and chained to their bench. but you find ways to meet fellow embittered grad students and you cope together in your jaded haze.... and you manage with your tiny salary (Fig 2). it's far from glamorous but it's worth knowing that you have flexibility to pursue your interests (as long as they're in line with your advisor's interests). remember... we're here to be life long learners and to know how to ask the right questions when given an impossible problem.

the impossible problem presented to me on Thursday: how can i get my thesis committee to pass me on my prelim?

i asked the right questions: what kinds of people are they? what time is the prelim scheduled? what are their interests? have i done my lit review? is my paper spell checked?

and i checked my materials, wrote up a protocol and began my experiment. which yielded amazing and delicious data points that were figure worthy (see below).

Peach Apple Walnut cake

1 cup diced gala apples
1 cup peaches (i had some fuzzy white ones)
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted, cooled
1 large egg
1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup coarsely chopped walnuts

• Preheat oven to 375°F.
  
• Butter and flour 8x8x2-inch baking pan.
  
• Throw together cut fruit, sugar, butter and egg in large bowl.
  
• Add flour, cinnamon, baking soda and salt.
  
• Add chopped walnuts, mix thoroughly. Transfer mixture to prepared pan.
  
• Bake for 35 min until tester toothpick comes out clean

so, the cake... smelled amazing. but i was a little saddened to see that it was a little too moist when we dug into it. sad. but tasty. (pictures to come soon)

i also made the salted caramel thumbprints and cut up some fruit.

results: pass.

the anxiety of presenting in front of four incredibly smart and competent individuals on a topic that they are relatively unfamiliar with, and convincing them that it's an interesting project... is almost unbearable.

however, when else would you get four faculty who are experts in their field, providing input and devoting all their attention on a student and their project all at once? it was almost magical... to be given their blessing, the encouraging words, and their smiles, to see their support and their suggestions...

so i guess it's time to START my research.... the past three years were only warmup.